Masochistic Voyeurism

This is going to be one of those posts where I'm going to philosophize. If you're not into this philosophy stuff, go ahead and click elsewhere... you ain't hurting my feelings.

Anyway.

Here's how I look at what I do, that is, as a glamour and tease photographer: Glamour and tease photography is a masochistic form of voyeurism. It is not truly the occupation of an adult.

For any of you who, like me, spends considerable time photographically plying the T&A and skin trades and you stayed here to read this stuff, I'm sorry if my definition upsets you but it is, pretty much, how I feel about it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on myself or anyone else who does this thing we do. I think it's a great job or hobby or whatever you want to call the way in which any of us pursue it. But it is what it is and what it is is what I said.

The "voyeurism" part of how I look at what we do should be fairly easy to understand: We are obsessive observers of (what many in the world would consider) sordid or sensational subjects, e.g., naked women posed in provocative ways. Actually, we take voyeurism to the next level by capturing those "sordid and sensational subjects" digitally or on film.

The "masochistic" part might take a little more explaining. To explain it, I'm going to grab bits and pieces of masochism's definition and apply it to glamour and tease photography.

By definition, masochism has to do with deriving pleasure from being abused. It can be in the form of physical abuse or emotional abuse. In this case, it's mostly about emotional abuse and (what I'll call) artistic abuse. Yep. Artistic abuse certainly plays a prominent role. Most importantly, at least for me, I think it's essential to note the abuse I'm talking about is self-inflicted, i.e., it's self-abuse. Man, I hope this is going to make sense.

It's one thing to be a photographic voyeur. I don't think too many of you can honestly argue and say we're not photographic voyeurs. Many of us strive to be the best photographic voyeurs we can be and, in doing so, we beat ourselves up a lot when we feel our voyeuristic images are not all they can be. Okay, here comes the masochism part.

When a beautiful, sexy, and often-times naked model is in front of my camera, I derive great pleasure from the experience. But it also pains me that I cannot always translate that pleasure, that is, those personal sensations I'm feeling as a result of the charm and allure the model is expressing, and capture it onto the camera's film plane. And, to capture that along with a smoking-hot, two-dimensional, photographic representation of that model! The distress or artistic angst or whatever you want to call it, which I'll admit is self-inflicted, when I cannot artistically, emotionally, and exquisitely capture both those fleeting moments of pleasure, along with the physical beauty of the model, drives me nuts! It also drives me harder and harder to try and do so. It's like a never-ending cycle of pleasure and (emotional & artistic) pain... pain and pleasure.

Yeah, this masochistic voyeurism thing drives me crazy! It also drives me to try harder, get more creative, learn more, spend more time viewing the work of others, and beating myself up because I can't quite grab that frame that has it all. You see what I'm saying? The act of trying to accomplish this give me great pleasure while, at the same time, it kicks the crap out of me! How screwed up is that? All because, in addition to competently capturing the physical image of the model, I want to capture the pleasure her presence, in front of my camera, gives me; and I want to capture it like no one else can capture it and, so far in my so-called photographic career, I've not been able to do so. (Damn! I knew this was going to get complicated and possibly make no sense.)

As for that part of my definition about this not being truly the occupation of an adult, well, c'mon, it ain't. And that applies to just about all kinds of photographers. What's more childlike than making pictures of things? Besides, you know what? Approaching photography with a child's inquisitive eye is probably an incredibly important ability to possess. You guys who try to do it like real adults might never do it all that well and for exactly that reason. Someone on a photo forum recently suggested I get a real job. Maybe he's right. Maybe my job isn't a real job. I mean, who gets paid to take pictures of beautiful naked ladies and call it a real job? You know... like a real job for a mature and responsible and "real" adult?

I'm not going to post an image with this article because I've never taken one that is good enough. Any picture I've ever taken will simply prove my point about not being good enough or able enough to capture that elusive and perfect moment where the viewers will feel what I felt, and see what I saw, when I snapped the shutter.