Is the Grass Always Greener?

It's human nature to envy what others have, what they're doing, what they've accomplished, what their status might be. Being human, I'm no exception to this condition.

Although I often hear how lucky I am to be doing what I'm doing (taking pictures of pretty, sexy, women in varying stages of dress and undress) and getting paid for it, I fall prey to envy. I envy photographers who are taking pictures of all the things I'd like to be taking pictures of and, most importantly, getting paid to do so. In more than a few cases, the people I envy are getting paid sick money for doing so. That includes people who are taking pictures of the same stuff I'm taking pictures of!

Be that as it may... Oh shit! My father was fond of saying that! (And I was never fond of hearing it.)

Anyway...

Be that as it may, I suppose envy is a great motivator. People want what they don't have. They want to do the things that seem out of reach to them and only (it seems) available to others, i.e., those others whom they envy. How many great human accomplishments were truly motivated by altruistic desires? I'm certainly not motivated to photograph beautiful women strictly for the enjoyment of others or myself. I ain't saying it ain't fun. But it is what it is. The truth is, I do it for the paycheck. The fact that others derive pleasure from my work is a bonus (collected on by my ego) but it isn't what drives me. What drives me are the tangible rewards. What drives me is self-preservation. What drives me, literally, is the automobile (and the fuel) that's paid for by the monetary rewards of my work.

There are times when I'm so consumed with envy for what others are able to accomplish (and get paid to accomplish) that it becomes counter-productive. I won't go so far as to say it makes me bitter--I'm not the bitter sort--but it does sometimes push me into states of self-pity. And self-pity is not a motivator. It's a roadblock. It's a wall. It's the thing that sucks the wind out of a person's sails.

I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out how I can break into areas of photography that seem to elude me. That figuring out time goes beyond planning and strategizing and hoping and praying. Daily, I scour the web looking for information and tips that (hopefully) will put me on the trail towards wherever it is I hope to go. I read books and magazines that might do the same. I am consumed with both envy and a determination to reach that place where I need not be bothered by it, by envy that is. (Is there such a place?) While the starving artist thing might be a romantic notion, there's nothing romantic about starving, artist or otherwise. I'm not saying I'm starving but I ain't exactly bloated with success. (Poor me, huh.)

I'm guessing I'm not the Lone Ranger when it comes to this envy malady. I suppose that's why envy is a common human condition and not a rarely seen state of being. I didn't set out to write a depressing, bummer update. I'm just saying. Perhaps tomorrow the grass on my side of the fence will seem greener?

The doe-eyed, Filipina eye-candy at the top, posing with a bit of faux-modesty, is Kina from yesterday's gig. Kina did her own makeup. Although I photographed Kina against a white seamless, I didn't intend to shoot high-key. As most of you know and the rest of you should know, a white background does not automatically mean "high key." I used two light sources: A mainlight modified with a 3'x3' translucent scrim and a backlight, modified with a small, shoot-thru umbrella, boomed above and behind her and somewhat camera-right. Why only two lights? That's all I had with me. And that's also why the white background isn't white. (Although I could'a PS'd it white if I were so inclined.)